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King of Quirk

by Lucky Doug Fergus

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1.
Feel Alive 03:38
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Who has the biggest mouth who has the voice that fills the arena Who knows the biggest words who has the brain encyclopedia Who's songs are everywhere radio even karaoke machina's Who needs a microphone shakes the walls when she chatters Who has perfect pitch protect your eyes, glass will shatter Who is a millionaire rags to riches no more tatters She'll make you feel alive You gotta come and listen Feel alive She's on a sonic mission Feel alive Is your heart in good condition Feel alive She'll make you feel alive Who knows the meanest licks plays the big, black Rickenbacker Who writes the rocking tunes, shaming all these copy catters Who gives a killer show, happy return to financial backers. Who stays on the top, fans and groupies always clinging Who is responsible, who's the one who found her singing I can't get enough even though my ears won't stop ringing She'll make you feel alive You gotta come and listen Feel alive She's on a sonic mission Feel alive Is your heart in good condition Feel alive She'll make you feel alive
2.
Don't Quit Your Night Job 04:33
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Rolling down the highway on to another town Get up on the stage act like a freaking clown Living in the van where am I supposed to take a crap? Hurry hurry up when can I take a nap? Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight What else can I do in order to stay in one place Supermarket checker dig a ditch wash a plate My drummer looks at me says are you out of your mind The only thing we know is doing this night club grind Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight Hey there little dreamer floating out there in space Stick to what you know plucking your four string bass Whatcha gonna do now learn a new trade by mail? Be a rocket surgeon, fix a car, pound a nail? Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight Don’t quit your night job Don’t quit tonight
3.
Superior Boy 02:11
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I got my first girlfriend and i’m only eight How this happened I don’t know but now I think it’s great Of course there is already a book for guys like me I rode my bike to check it out at the library It’s the way of the superior boy what would that guy do? It’s the way of the superior boy read it and you’ll have a clue She wants me to sit down when I take a pee Send her goofy love notes forget it that’s not me Then I looked in my book and found in chapter one It clearly states its good for me to leave my comfort zone It’s the way of the superior boy what would that guy do? It’s the way of the superior boy read it and you’ll have a clue She said look how pretty the sunrise I said let’s go out and make mud pies She loves talking playground politics I would rather build a fort from sticks My big brother told me there is a better way Instead of yanking pony tails and making her eat clay Try to understand now girls are people too Maybe you should read again it’s all in chapter two It’s the way of the superior boy what would that guy do? It’s the way of the superior boy read it and you’ll have a clue It’s the way of the superior boy what would that guy do? It’s the way of the superior boy read it and you’ll have a clue
4.
Fuzzy Wuzzy 03:12
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We had a cat her name was Osa Long black hair she had no tail She could be grumpy then she'd be joyful Mom would say must be part human She would fight our other cat And swing her arm just like a boxer Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear Our little Osa had tons of hair She was old when I was born And she lived 'til I was seven We took her to the pet cemetery I keep her ashes on my top shelf
5.
Beautiful Donkey 02:29
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I really like the shape of your donkey I love the shape of your baby cows Your donkey looks good on Jimmy Fallon Your baby cows they do too. Where did you get such a beautiful donkey Where did you get those baby cows How did you get such a beautiful donkey Look at those gorgeous baby cows See that donkey on Jimmy Kimmel No cubs in a gunny sack Watch baby cows prancin’ and singin' See it all on the Ellen Show! Where did you get such a beautiful donkey Where’d you get those baby cows How did you get such a beautiful donkey Look at those gorgeous baby cows I really like the shape of your donkey I love the shape of your baby cows Your donkey looks good on Jimmy Fallon Your baby cows they do too. Where did you get such a beautiful donkey Where did you get those baby cows How did you get such a beautiful donkey Look at those gorgeous baby cows
6.
Crappy Hour 03:12
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I'm about to fill my diaper with yesterday's lunch I don't need a stinkin' toilet My undies hold a whole bunch It’s crappy hour all day long at my house come on down Crappy hour all day long at my house crap with me! Everybody take a dump! Carrots and peas and chopped green beans Shootin' from my behind It's gonna be great wait 'til you see It'll blow my mama's mind It’s crappy hour all day long at my house come on down Crappy hour all day long at my house crap with me! Everybody take a dump! If that's not enough for you I'll add a little pee A fecal matter milkshake Bet that makes you hungry It's so cool 3 months old When I get the urge to go The whole world is my toilet I say let it flow! It’s crappy hour all day long at my house come on down Crappy hour all day long at my house crap with me! Everybody take a dump!
7.
Manly Yes But I Like It Too 03:40
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I’m a strong man with a strong smell I write in all caps, cause when I type I yell My best friend said he’d had enough of me You smell like the armpit of a chimpanzee He took me to a bar but we did not drink It was made for people like me who stink It had green stripes and a lovely scent Use it and you speak with an Irish accent Manly yes but she likes it too My friend said I stank I never knew That green striped soap I thank you Manly yes but she likes it too I was in the shower lathering my pits Soaping up my backside and my naughty bits It was bold and lively with a pine bouquet When my lady smelled me she had to say Manly yes but she likes it too My friend said I stank I never knew That green striped soap I thank you Manly yes but she likes it too Manly yes but I like it too You’re friend said you stank, that’s true That green striped soap, I thank you Manly yes but I like it too
8.
Buy My Book 04:01
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Doesn’t anybody ever read anymore Doesn’t anybody ever turn a page It’s three o’clock on a Saturday morning I’m trying to think of a hot opening line I awoke from rapid eye movement Full of inspiration but now I forget I always feel cheated I don’t remember my dreams I’m scratching out my next manuscript With a nail on a piece of tarpaper Surrounded by the rafters my only friends Damn it’s hot up here that’s it D-A-M-N-I-T-S oh no no no no no I thought life would change When the reflection of my brain Was put into a box and wrapped in cellophane I gave mirrors speeches Practiced signing my name But all they do is look wont you buy my book Won’t you buy my book Cruising downtown on the city bus I pretend I’m easily recognized I get off on heartbreak Boulevard Call my agent but he can’t remember my name I’m out of quarters and they cut me off So I walk on down to the PO Box No fan letters no royalty check Then I drop in to the bookstore And buy another copy of my own book I open it and find chapter 3 missing I thought life would change When the reflection of my brain Was put into a box and wrapped in cellophane I gave mirrors speeches Practiced signing my name But all they do is look wont you buy my book Won’t you buy my book
9.
Bored and Horny 03:12
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I felt like Burt Reynolds on location in a small town There was nothin’ to do and no where to go I was just hangin’ around So I got a piece of cardboard and made me a sign Went down to the freeway offramp To have me a good old time Bored and horny anything helps Bored and horny anything helps Bored and horny Bored and horny B, B, B, B, B bored and horny Anything helps Lots of people thought I was askin’ for money Some gave bottles of booze and offered me Mary Jane A little old lady gave me a handmade poncho A guy on a Harley winked at me and said what’s your name? Bored and horny anything helps Bored and horny anything helps Bored and horny Bored and horny B, B, B, B, B bored and horny Anything helps I’ll kiss for food Beep for food Lick for food Beep for food Well that was cool but it only lasted an hour I guess I’ll just go on home and watch me some Hee Haw reruns I know I aint no Don Juan or a Burt Reynolds Although I struck out I sure did have me some Good clean fun,But I’m still Bored and horny anything helps Bored and horny anything helps Bored and horny Bored and horny B, B, B, B, B bored and horny Anything helps
10.
Quit Honking 03:09
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Here I am only trying to make my way in this world Thrown out on the road of life dodging the cars like a squirrel Is it just me? Or do you feel it too that the world is turning faster hey Quit Honking I’m pedaling as fast as I can Walking down the street I am repeatedly nipped at the heels Quickening my step is fruitless cause under my feet are banana peels Haven’t you heard, this new fast pace of life Is really not so good Quit Honking I’m pedaling as fast as I can Strolling through the park I encounter an old high school buddy He’s intense he brags he’s doing well he says to me what are you up to? I married a model we live in New York and I own a fleet of Hummers hey Quit Honking I’m pedaling as fast as I can Quit Honking I’m pedaling as fast as I can Quit Honking I’m pedaling as fast as I can

about

10 of my weirdest songs ever!

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released August 28, 2020

Doug Fergus, all songs/lyrics/instruments

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Lucky Doug Fergus Telluride, Colorado

Lucky Doug Fergus’ sound is fun and energetic. At the same time, the lyrics are slyly deep and witty. Ok, sometimes silly. 

Doug was inspired to create fun music by his favorite musicians: Devo, the Talking Heads, Weird Al Yankovic and Frank Zappa. 

Doug is continually driven to create music that is quirky, fun, thought provoking and in some way, inspiring. ... more

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